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Please [do not] leave a message after the beep:

March 18, 2011

I had to make a VIPC (Very Important Phone Call) the other day. Knowing I would be catching the person ten minutes before the end of the work day, I knew it would be a “close call.” I was just hoping, wishing that the lady would still be there and answer.

 But….

“Hi, this is ___ _____. Sorry I’m not here to answer the phone. Please leave a detailed message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.”

Oh dammit, I’m going to have to leave a message, don’t panic, don’t panic…

BEEEEP [cue my dooms day]:

…..SILENCE……*GULP*

“Hi this is ___ ____. I am call…ing in regards to the v-v-voicemail you le-ft me in re-regards to the p-p-p-position here…uh…in Chicago. Uh I amm v-ery in—terested in the j—ob. I look f-for-ward to spea—-king with….you. I’m a–a–available to talk tomorrow at 11:35-12:35 cen…uh..Ch-chicago time.”

 [I paused here to take a deep breath and regroup, realizing how tremendously terrible this “detailed” message was going.]

“You can reach me at XXX-XXX-XXXX. And again this was _____ ____ calling. Thank you. TAKE CARE. GOOD NIGHT.”

I click End Call.

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO?

That was worse than The King’s Speech.

I spent the next five minutes, red in the face, threatening to jump off the bridge, convinced I had ruined my life.

Realizing that wouldn’t solve my problem and this was but a small bump in the road, I vowed to never again leave a bad voicemail.

The next morning I called again, hoping to redeem myself.

I left another voicemail:

“Hello, this is _____ _____ calling in regards to the position in Chicago. I am available to talk this morning, otherwise I will try you again later. XXX-XXX-XXXX. I look forward to speaking with you. Goodbye.”

Not a stammer to be heard, no “take cares” or “good nights.”

THANK GOD.

My call was returned the next day and I secured an interview for the same week. Do you have any voicemail horror stories, or better yet, voicemail tips???

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