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Wouldn’t it be nice if, at times, we could all just be robots?

May 21, 2010

Photo by Jonathan McIntosh, 2003.

 Because we can’t be robots in the times when we really would like to be–like when The Man has our spirits crushed so, so low we’re ready to use the office stapler for self-mutilation–this entry is here to help you keep on keeping on. It’s about remembering the magic in magical, and forgetting the times we wish we were feelings-less robots.    

 To begin, I  just wanted to say that the flowers on my desk are really fragrant today, and I met a lady who smelled of gardenia. Don’t forget to use your nose, can’t miss the aroma of chocolate wafting through the Chicago streets in the morning…   

Now, instead of always complaining about your job and really letting the little things get to you, pretend you have a different occupation and complain about that instead: “Oh yeah, I’ve been pulling teeth all damn day. Molars, incisors, bicuspids, the whole damn lot–and I am just sick and tired of it!” Or try, “Management, man, they got me scooping poo again. I just ain’t taking their shit today!” (I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling better already!)  

Which leads me to the next topic, I call it the Theory of Exclamation Points. When life’s got you real down, say, if it has become mundane, tedious, or banal, try using more exclamation points (but use cautiously so as not to mess with spreadsheet formulas): 2 + 2 = 4!!!! Another example, “Sandra is working on ordering fifty new reams of paper!!!!! It will arrive shortly!!!!”  Or, “The cost analysis shows that profitability has been down 67 percent in terms of exportation and importation, however if we modulate account 14-C, merging it with account x-34-56, we should be able to up the revenue by 44 points, and end with a 27.cs25!!!!!????!!!!!!”  

I don’t know about you but I am nearing black-out excitement! Exclamation points automatically make anything more exciting!!!!!!! Even the IRS. Death and taxes!!!! 

Also, simply feel happy that at the moment you are NOT chewing tinfoil.  


  • Visit the baby chicks at the zoo.
  • Encourage people to comment on your uncanny resemblance to Julia Roberts (or insert other gorgeous celebrities).
  • The grass will be greener after it rains, so that’s good news.
  • Actually try treating others the way you would want to be treated, the universe will respond accordingly.
  • Open your bedroom window and light some candles, the mood will be pleasant. And you’ll get rid of that smell.
  • When feeling some serious angst, try a punching and kicking workout.
  • Always, always listen to good music.
  • If you can’t dance in public, try dancing in your closet.
  • Try to find humor in a bad situation, it’s just more fun.
  • You have one life to live, decide how you want it to go.
  • And appreciate your loved ones, always. Everyone will feel better. And love is love, can’t beat that.

And to end, a few wise words of encouragement to get us through the days when our spirits are crushed:  

“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”  

–Franklin D. Roosevelt    

Though, I really think, FDR should have used more exclamation points….!!!!!!!!!

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