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Can someone please remove my fake tattoo?

April 22, 2010

This post is but a list of regrets that I’ve collected during my quarter life crisis (which I continue to live in).

  • Several nights ago, I got drunk and got a fake tattoo. The sparkly kind–you know, the press on with a damp cloth type. A colorful butterfly with luxurious wings and magical powers, placed right above my…crack. A tramp stamp if you will. But now it’s sticky and I want it off.

    The real deal: my Tramp Stamp.

  • I regret, now, not having Photoshop. If I had it, I could (unethically) alter the above photo so my bunz appear tighter and lifted. Note to self: must. do. squats. to. resolve. lacking. of. photoshop.
  • I have non-buyer’s remorse; I wish I’d go shopping already and buy some new clothes so I don’t have a panic anxiety attack every time I get dressed, realizing that I’ve already worn that shirt 8 times this week as it hides my bunz so well…
  • I talk about my bunz too much. People will start to think I’m obs”ass”ed.
  • I have remorse over the fact that I fell asleep while watching the second episode of The Wire.
  • Also, while on the subject of television, I wish I was even better than I already am at watching TV. I would like to be able to watch six movies at once, as opposed to the casual three.
  • I regret that I did not make a shirt for my boyfriend with six pockets, one for each of my sister’s puppies. The lacking of this shirt will be greatly rued at our visit this weekend.

Seven loves of my life.

  • I feel bad that I am terrible at keeping secrets. But I feel worse that I didn’t choose this blog as a platform for gossip…..(See Perez).
  • Also I regret daily, that I am not as wise as this guy:

He studies Socrates when not chewing on the furniture.

Well, that is probably enough harping on my regrets for one day. I should try something more positive like writing about how cool and good looking we were as teenagers…definitely no regrets there.

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