City Dwellers: Beware of The Pigeons

The Urban Bird. Photo By Pline

 So, I thought I was having a bad day…that is, until I accidently snorted a pigeon feather…………  

May 25, 2010 – Finally four o’clock and off of work, I headed to the train, my eyes on the ground, my head in the clouds. I was just about to reach the top of the stairs, when out of nowhere, like a slap in the face, as I took in a big breath, unbeknownst to me, I snorted SOMETHING, something ENORMOUS, from the air, INTO my left NOSTRIL. Something flying in the air had been rocketed into my nose.  

OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLDIDIJUSTDOOOOOOOOOOO! Like a vacuum hose sucking up a sock, suddenly my nostril was plugged, and I began to panic, almost blacking out from the sheer grotesqueness of what I could have possibly just sucked into the Hoover dam that is my giant schnoz.  

As I stood on the steps panicking, I tried and tried to blow out whatever had just gone up my nose. After several hurried tries, my eyes watering, my hands covering my face, I felt a small tip sticking out from my nostril–I could still get it out! I grabbed hold of it–YANK!–and out comes a two-inch long PIGEON FEATHER.  

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  

I have never been more disgusted. A FLYING RAT FEATHER UP MY NOSE.  

Suddenly, as the relief had swept over me, I began to realize the implications of this pigeon-up-the-nose-quandary….afterall, aren’t pigeons known to carry DISEASE?  

Panic ensued for the second time in that epic two minutes of my life.  

My thoughts were flying fast. These so-called gutter birds carry diseases like histoplasmosis, cryptococcosis, psittacosis, toxoplasmosis, and parasites! Could I get rabies? Should I get a rabies shot? A tetanus shot? Should I go to the emergency room? Is this it? Is this how it all ends? Death By Urban Bird.  

I later read online: “Have any contaminated areas professionally cleaned.” I called the professionals, but they hung up on me after I told them it was my nostril that was contaminated…so, I stuffed some hand-sanitizer up there and went on my (now) merry way. That better do the trick.  

Damn rat birds.